Climbing Le Mole, Thinking about Prayer, and Falling Down Some Steps: My Last Weekend in Europe

I have not written in a few days because I have been busy trying to absorb every single moment I can from this time away. At the beginning of my journey, I felt like time was on my side. Four weeks seemed like an eternity, but as I rounded the corner into the last week, I realized there were still so many things to see, people I needed to meet and several types of French pastry I had not yet tried!

I want to spend some time sharing more about the people God brought into my life during the last month to give me nuggets of information, share valuable insight and to shake up my expectations about the world of humanitarian aid work. But, since I must be on a plane headed towards the States in less than 7 hours, I am going to wait to tell this piece of the story. However, it is the most important part of my journey--the part that brought me to Geneva and the part that God has used to give me a few answers to the lingering questions that have been simmering for months. So, this chapter will be shared, but not until I have time to figure out the words needed to describe these experiences.



I did not really have a plan for this journey. Most days, I would just wait to see what God would bring in terms of meetings, opportunities and/or times of rest. However, it is truly amazing what comes my way when I allow God to work instead of trying to force the events of my life from such a limited perspective. I found out about the Young Adult Group (YAGs) at the Evangelical Baptist Church of Geneva over my first meal of Swiss fondue with Al Goff (from GAIN). Al mentioned the group casually and thought it may be a group I would want to check out during my stay. I attended one of the group's weekly meetings and then somehow found myself at the YAG retreat this weekend.



One of the things that has totally blown me away about the Christian communities here in Geneva is how welcoming and accepting people have been. My time here was short, yet I was encouraged to engage as much as possible and as a result, spent time with incredible people from all over the world. The theme of the retreat weekend was "Prayer: The Christian's Vital Breath" and the teachings challenged me to spend some time reflecting on my own prayer life. I have always believed in the power of prayer, but honestly, I sometimes struggle with being consistent with my times of prayer. However, I was reminded this weekend how necessary prayer is in order to deepen my relationship with God. I believe God desires for us to have conversation with Him and even though I have never audibly heard Him speak to me, I definitely feel like I hear His voice through my spirit. But, the catch is that I have to spend time with Him in order to hear...

Speaking of which, a friend and I were having a conversation about God a few weeks ago and debating whether it was more effective to pray silently or aloud. When I am alone, I tend to pray out loud because it just seems more natural for me to actually talk when I want to have a conversation with God. I will admit though, I am still getting comfortable praying in groups, especially large groups. But through many different prayer experiences, I have witnessed how powerful praying aloud with others can be. So, during this particular discussion, I was definitely advocating that praying aloud was the better choice. This weekend, however, I was reminded of the power of praying silently and allowing room for God to speak. It is amazing what I can sense when I just listen.....

Yesterday, we were given free time during the afternoon, so I decided to join a group planning to hike up Le Mole (a fairly large mountain about 20 minutes from the retreat site). I love hiking and look forward to a new mountain challenge, however, I was not quite ready for a 3-hour hike with 12-14% grades. This reality became evident when I thought was going to pass out, took a break to get myself together and one of the guys in the group said to me, "You're not in very good shape, are you?" Hmmmm....well, considering that I gave up my 5K training a good month before I left for Europe and that the most exercise I have gotten during my time here has been lifting chocolate pastries to my mouth, uh, yeah, I guess that would be a fair assessment. Let me just be honest. It's not a good idea to try to climb up a mountain that is considered to be part of the "pre-Alps" after taking a 2-month break from exercise!



However, with all joking aside, I was proud that I made it to the top without giving up. When I reached the summit, I was blessed with a sense of accomplishment, as well as a wonderful surprise. The summit of Le Mole offers panoramic views of the Alps, including a front row and center view of Mont Blanc, the highest peak in Western Europe. The views were indescribable (hopefully the pictures will give you somewhat of an idea) and I just felt blessed. At times, I find my trust in God's ability to deliver wavering and then He smacks me in the face with the reminder (like seeing the beauty Mont Blanc) that He is in control of ALL things.








Last night, the group spent time in smaller groups praying for individual, family/friend, job and other needs. I was honored to be part of a group of women from various places around the world (South Africa, Wales, Washington DC) that was able to come together and lift up prayer requests to God. For me, it is such a powerful feeling to pray with people I have just met and to allow God to connect us through the experience. After praying, I felt pretty darn good, like I was in synch with God, like I was ready to move full steam ahead with some new ideas that have developed during my time here.

After our time of prayer was completed, I started going down the stairs to join the larger group. As I was trotting along, I suddenly lost my footing, slipped and fell down several steps. Ouch. I fell on my elbow and back and gosh, it hurt. As I thought about the experience today, it became a reminder that I need to slow down and BREATHE. I do not need to race ahead with new ideas until I feel that God is telling me to proceed. I have done that in the past--tried to speed race myself through life. And, just like my fall, I got pretty bruised up, not only physically, but emotionally. Maybe falling down steps has nothing to do with God....or maybe it really does.



All I know is that God made me realize this weekend that He is all around me. Whether I am having a great dinner with a group of people I just recently met, looking at the beauty of creation, or praying silently, God is always there. This weekend, I spent some time meditating on the following verses (1-10) from Psalm 139:

“O, Lord, you have searched me and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar
You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all of my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue, you know it completely, O Lord.

You hem me in-behind and before; you have laid your hand on me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.

Where can I go from you Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there, if I make my bed in the depths,
you are there.

If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.”

I sometimes feel afraid in this world. Afraid of what is happening globally. Afraid of getting sick or having a family member get sick. Afraid of being rejected by people I really care about. Afraid of missing my calling. However, despite the fear, there is hope. These verses remind me of God’s tender love for us and that we will never be alone. As this journey comes to a close, I think I am in a good place…. Trusting God that is. Trusting that the pieces of the puzzle will come together when the time is right. I am trusting...and being grateful.

A Few Stops in Geneva

"What needs reforming in the world?" and "How do I fit into God's agenda for reform?" are two of the main questions I have been chewing on since arriving in Europe. For the last few Fridays, I have attended a class called "Reformation 21" facilitated by Jonathan Tame, a leader for Youth With a Mission (YWAM), that has definitely encouraged me to think more deeply about these questions.


The class has been exploring how the 16th century Reformation inspired great changes and advocacy in society such as religious freedom, the knowledge explosion, individual human rights, separation of powers and environmental and business ethics. It also has faciliated discussion about how the development of post-modernism has impacted our worldviews and contributed to a secular/sacred divide in our thinking that has created tangible tension. It has been an interesting time and I have definitely appreciated learning more about the Reformation and how the reformers of the time changed the face of society. I also have been intrigued by the thought-provoking class discussions about how to operate in the world today in a way that is Christ-centered and directed, yet avoids furthering the personal and societal wounds caused by those in history who acted in the name of Christ, but were misdirected.



Last Friday, I took the afternoon to visit the United Nations offices in Geneva (Palais des Nations)and the International Red Cross Museum. The UN in Geneva has more than 8,500 staff members and hosts almost 9,000 meetings a year, making it one of the busiest intergovernmental conference centres in the world and a focal point for multilateral diplomacy.
Staff affiliated with the Geneva offices of the UN work in the following areas: health, labor, intellectual property human rights, humanitarian action and disaster relief, economic, trade and development activities, disarmament efforts,science and technology, as well as research and training. It was so exciting to be in a place where the advocacy and policy work of those interesting in the welfare of people around the world come together to try to make a difference in the lives of others!

Next, I visited the Musee International de la Croix-Rouge et du Croissant-Rouge (The International Museum of the Red Cross and the Red Crescent), which was humbling to say the least. The International Red Cross and Red Crescent Movement is an international humanitarian movement focused on protecting human life and health, to ensure respect for the human beings, and to prevent and alleviate human suffering.



The creation of the International Red Cross and Red Crescent Movement was inspired by compassion and commitment of Henry Dunant. Dunant was a Swiss businessman, who after witnessing the Battle of Solferino in 1859, became a tireless advocate for the formation of national voluntary relief organizations to help nurse wounded soldiers during times of war. Dunant's efforts were honored publicly when he was awarded the first Noble Peace Prize in 1901.

The International Red Cross and Red Crescent Movement is actually comprised of three distinct operating organizations:

1) The International Committee of the Red Cross (ICRC), a private humanitarian institution focused on protecting the life and dignity of the victims of international and internal armed conflicts
2)The International Federation of Red Cross and Red Crescent Societies (IFRC), which leads and organizes relief assistance missions to respond to large-scale emergencies.
3) 186 National Red Cross and Red Crescent Societies, which exist in nearly every country in the world. Each society works in its home country according to the principles of international humanitarian law.

It was such a privilege to take a walk through the history of the movement; to witness the raw dedication and passion of Dunant, as well as countless others who have provided healing and hope to the wounded and hurting of the world during and after times of conflict.

Getting lost and sick and a reflection about grace

"My grace is sufficient for you for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses so that Christ's power may rest on me." 2 Corinthians 12:8-9

During the last few days, I have been thinking a lot about the concept of grace…and how even though God's grace is overflowing, I sometimes have a difficult time receiving it. Many times I tend to just rely on myself too much. I feel like I have to be perfect, but no matter how hard I try, I end up getting stressed out, making someone angry, complaining too much, or taking on the role of a martyr. When I begin to rely solely on my own strength while ignoring God's power, on my own intelligence without seeking God's guidance, and when I try to seek perfection without remembering the work of Christ on the cross, these are the times when I run into major trouble.

I'll never forget the day in 2001 when I was sitting in my apartment in Brooklyn and the light bulb came on. I knew at that moment I needed to change directions. I had learned a lot working in the corporate world of entertainment television, but at the end of the day, I did not feel like I was giving back. I knew I needed to be in a job where I could help others along their journeys. Pursuing a MSW degree seemed to be the right plan at the time, so I packed up my bags and moved to Chapel Hill (As I reflect back on this time, I still think social work was the best path for me to take, even though I have to admit I struggle sometimes with some of the profession's advocacy stances). Now seven years later, I am sitting in France wondering if I have the energy, patience and passion to carry on with the work. A therapist friend once told me, "Sometimes people stick their straws into you and suck as hard as they can, don’t they?" I had to agree whole-heartedly, even though I do not mean to make light of human suffering. We humans have so much need and heartache and I have definitely stuck my own straw into friends and family through the years during dark life moments. Yet, I have wondered recently whether I have what it takes to be an effective servant.

However, God will not let up. Even though I have questioned whether or not I can continue with a helping profession, I know deep down inside that there is no other path for me. Now, I may need to switch it up and admit that my time in community mental health has come to a close……but, I know God is calling me to serve others and no matter how much I want to ignore it, I cannot. There are so many ways that I fall short, but what I am beginning to realize is that if I can learn to stop letting ME get in the way and accept God’s power and grace, all things are possible.


Another way God is really working on me is in the area of control. This is not a new lesson for me. The funny thing (I should also say merciful thing) about God is that He keeps bringing us situations where we can learn the lessons we need to learn and finally achieve growth. As I have mentioned before, I like to feel independent and in control. I like to know how things are going to turn out (and agonize with finding the answers). I also have to admit that I sometimes (ok, ok, most of the time) want life to parallel the plans I have created in my own mind. Over the years, I have realized these things rarely happen and that if I do not learn how to live in the flow of life with trust in God at the center, I will always walk away feeling disappointed, hurt and really frustrated. However, I cannot honestly say that I have completely learned this lesson.

Here in France, I do not feel very independent or in control, which drives me batty. I cannot speak the language (which makes me feel somewhat inadequate and reminds me that we Americans need to be more global in our thinking and education (which I think is moving in that direction)). I have to rely on poor Dave and Sue to translate everything for me, be my voice while I stand there with a look of ignorance on my face in restaurants, stores, etc. and be my source of transportation because I am somewhat nervous about navigating a transportation system explained in French (when have I ever been nervous about taking the bus?!). Thankfully, Dave and Sue are compassionate and give me daily doses of grace with stories about how it took them years to learn the ropes here. I still struggle and God is still teaching me.....

After the CrossRoads Women’s Retreat, one of the ladies volunteered to bring me home, which was a blessing. However, I could not remember how to get back to Dave and Sue's house. They live in a neighborhood called Bois Chatton and it is literally the most confusing neighborhood I have ever seen! I kept telling the lady the wrong roads to turn down, so with a lot of pride I said, "Just drop me off here and I'll find it." She did and I proceeded to walk around the neighborhood dragging my luggage behind me for 30 minutes trying to find their house. Crap, I lived in NYC for 8 years and navigated the city like a pro....what is wrong with me that I cannot find my host family's house in a tiny neighborhood development in France??? I closed my eyes, prayed for direction and eventually found the house. God's grace is a life-altering concept, but it can be so intimate and practical, even with small things like getting lost.

However, I guess the feeling of being completely disoriented and receiving direction when needed was not enough. So enter round two…. Earlier this week, Sue and I decided to take a drive through the countryside of Switzerland and had been talking about whether or not I was getting any additional thoughts about my next steps. This day, I was feeling frustrated because I was totally confused about the next steps. I felt burdened by the thoughts, "What if I never find my way?" "What if at the end of my life I look back and think 'What did you do with your time? What difference did you make?'” I have to figure it out I thought, but I was at a loss.” As a result, I developed a headache that progressively grew more intense as the hours went by.

That evening, I attended a Young Adult Group meeting with folks from a church in downtown Geneva. I was excited about the night, but my sense of frustration and responsibility to figure everything out caused my headache to worsen and my concentration wane. At the end of the meeting, the host graciously asked another participant if she would drive me back to France. Sheila, a woman from Uganda working at the World Health Organization, agreed to provide me with a ride. On the way home, I suddenly became very sick and had to ask her twice to pull over for me (one time was at her office at the World Health Organization....I was at the offices of one of the most influential health organizations in the world and I was hugging the toilet in a basement restroom!). I was mortified. Here I was with a woman I just met who graciously was providing me a ride home and I got sick twice. I felt so vulnerable. This person I just met was seeing me in my worst condition, yet she was caring and understanding. Kind of like God, right? He sees the worst of us, yet because He loves us so much, He extends His grace to us with open arms.

When I finally crawled into bed that evening, I prayed to God for some relief, and it came. The next morning, I woke up feeling more free and unburdened….the most at peace I have felt in a long time. Since this experience, I have not worried as much about the next steps or felt as pressured by time. I know that the answers will come and when they do, I know that I will respond and serve effectively. I know because I am trusting God more deeply. I know because it is in my weakness that He will make me strong……

Chocolate, Cheese and a Chateau

Venturing out from the Geneva area on Tuesday, Sue and I made our way into the interior of the Switzerland countryside to the La Gruyere region. Before leaving the States, I was informed that one cannot come to Switzerland without eating a lot of cheese and chocolate. Being here for almost three weeks, I can firmly agree with this statement and today was another confirmation. Sue and I made our way around Lake Geneva and drove into the small town of Broc for our first stop at the Cailler Chocolate Factory.


Cailler is one of Switzerland's oldest and most traditional brands of chocolate and was first created back in 1819 by Swiss chocolate-making pioneer Francois Louis Cailler. Despite increasingly modern chocolate production methods introduced over the course of the 20th century, special care was given to maintaining the high quality of ingredients and retaining the same traditional chocolate recipes used by the company's founders. The distinctive milk taste is still a unique feature of Cailler chocolate (ie; Nestle chocolate uses milk powder vs. regular milk in the creation of chocolate).
The factory tour consisted of information about Cailler chocolate manufacturing, views of the actual chocolate making process, and a chance to taste the chocolate (over 10 varieties were available for UNLIMITED sampling), which by far was the best part! I left the factory with a full stomach and a new appreciation for chocolate production!

After enjoying and buying many chocolates, Sue and I headed to the small village of Pringy, where we visited Maison du Gruyere (a working cheese-dairy). We opted to skip the tour, but were able to see the storeroom where hundreds of cheese "blocks" are stored. So cool!


My favorite part of the day was visiting the village of Gruyeres and the village chateau, a former regional seat of power occupied by 19th century counts. The village allowed us to enjoy shops filled with traditional Swiss crafts and souvenirs, as well as food establishments that offered crepes, Swiss fondue and rosti, a famous Swiss potato dish. The views from the entrance of the chateau offered panoramic views of the countryside and "pre-Alps," which looked like they had been perfectly inserted as the backdrop in a painting of a fairytale village.
Today was a wonderful day to experience a new part of Switzerland, be thankful for the ability to see (and taste!) new things, and reflect on the amazing gift of life.
Vivez bien - Aimez beaucoup - Riez souvent

Kissing the blarney stone and the magical cliffs of moher

On Monday, our first adventure consisted of traveling about 1.5 hours to Blarney Castle in Cork County. From some of my reading, I understand that Blarney Castle is one of the most popular tourist sights in Ireland. I was a little concerned that the castle and the surrounding tourist contraptions would be cheesy, but to my delightful surpise, Blarney Castle was very interesting and the lands surrounding the castle completely gorgeous. Historical texts claim that Blarney Castle (the current structure) was built in 1446 by Cormac McCarthy, King of Munster. It houses the famous Blarney Stone, which according to legend, gives the gift of eloquent speech when kissed (check out the debate about its origins here: www.blarneycastle.ie/pages/stone). I decided that enhanced eloquence may help me during my political debates with friends, so yes, folks, I kissed the stone. Since I am trying to take a break from politics (it has just gotten so tiring), I guess I'll have to wait to practice my new skills when I return....


Views from the top of the castle were incredible and I was excited to witness the beautiful colors of fall sprinkling the green landscape. Sara decided that it would be fun to explore the castle gardens, which house beautiful trees, flowers, and even Druid circles from an ancient Celtic society. It was a good choice because today was another nice day weather-wise and it was so relaxing to meander through beautful gardens.


On Tuesday, Sara and I headed to the western shores of Ireland to visit the Cliffs of Moher. The Cliffs are over 700ft at the highest point and range for 5 miles over the Atlantic Ocean on the western seaboard of County Clare. I was hoping for good weather and thankfully, the sun began shining as Sara and I walked up to the cliffs. However, it was extremely windy and at the top view station, it was so windy that it was difficult to walk!


This by far was one of my favorite places...the beauty of the cliffs and the ocean is just incredible. In the information center, I saw a video where people were scuba diving around the cliffs...I am not sure if the scuba divers were scientists exploring the cliffs, but could you imagine scuba diving in this area? It was would be a life-changing experience, but can we say SCARY! I better stick to calmer and clearer waters.....

On on way back from the Cliffs of Moher, Sara and I stopped at a local pub called Danny Mac's. My lunch experience here was fabulous--I enjoyed a delicious brie and cranberry sauce sandwich and the sparkling taste of a Bulmer's hard cider, along with the friendly service of an Irish waiter with red hair and a brisk Irish brogue. I definitely can say that I have not been disappointed with my Irish dining experiences on this trip!


On Wednesday, Sara and I spent most of the morning picking up some Irish souvenirs at Bunratty Castle. I love traveling and checking out the tourist gifts of various countries, but I'll have to admit that shopping in the current economic climate is painful when you are buying in US dollars...ouch (even though it is less painful to pay in Euros than in British pounds). With our shopping expedition behind us, we returned to Sara's house to spend a leisurely afternoon relaxing. I took a long walk around Sara's neighborhood (I should say around the fields) and enjoyed the sounds of the country.

I have a print hanging in my office in Winston-Salem that says, "The quieter you become, the more you can hear." Isn't this so true? So much of my day is usually spent multi-tasking at work, then getting caught in the web of email or facebook in the evening. I definitely crave more time to be still and quiet. Maybe that is one thing that my time in Ireland has encouraged me to remember and practice....


My adventures in Ireland would not be complete without trading in my usual beer of choice (Corona with lime) for the dark froth of a Guinness pint. So, for my last night in Ireland, Sara arranged for me to experience the true Irish social scene at a country pub. I cannot remember the name of the pub and could not find it listed on any Irish pub lists. It was downhome Irish, folks. I think the other people were trying to figure out how some random American women even found the pub. Anyway, I successfully finished my first pint of Guinness beer and enjoyed chatting it up with some Irish musicians.

It was a perfect way to end my time in Ireland. A pint of Guinness. Making requests for Irish songs. Integrating myself into the social scene of Ireland. Yep, I definitely think my Irish roots surfaced. Wait, but I don't have Irish roots. Oh, well, I can always pretend.
















"May the blessing of light be on you—
light without and light within.
May the blessed sunlight shine on you
and warm your heart
till it glows like a great peat fire"

Ireland-céad míle fáilte

It is said that Ireland, once visited, is never forgotten. I would whole-heartedly agree with this statement and know that I definitely will never forget my time in Ireland. How can you forget a land with numerous shades of green, a rich history and culture, beautiful rainbows, and a pub at almost every corner?

Sara, my former supervisor at Triumph and now friend, moved to Ireland last August with her family when her husband, Ken, accepted a 3-year assignment with his employer. Upon her departure, she extended the invitation to visit and I was not sure she was serious, but I took her up on it and arrived on her doorstep in Ireland with a desire to explore everything Irish. I have been intrigued by Ireland for awhile--I do not know if this is due to the interesting people (I must say I love their accents), mystery of the island, or my recent infatuation with the movie "PS: I Love You" and Jonthan Rhys Myers? But when Dave and Sue told me they would be in Germany for a week to attend a work conference, I knew I had to go to Ireland.

According to Sara, I must have had the luck of the Irish with me when I arrived at the Shannon Airport this past Sunday. Sunday was a beautiful, sunny day and it seems that there are not many of these days available, especially this year, which has been unusually rainy and cold. I took advantage of the sunlight and soaked up the beautiful colors of the Irish countryside (even the cows are more picturesque here) as Sara took me on scenic drive between Shannon and Croagh (her tiny village). Arriving at her house, I was excited to discover that the Kennedys live on a gravel road out in the middle of nowhere. There are green pastures all around their house with curious cows who are not afraid to come close to check you out. Very Peaceful. Actually, my first night in Ireland, I slept more soundly than I have in months. I guess there is something special about the slow-pace of country living...especially in the magical countryside of Ireland.

For those of you who know Sara, I am happy to report that she is more relaxed than I have ever seen her and she is an excellent cook! Not that she ordered take-out every night before her move to Ireland, but I believe she has stepped it up a notch! Her meals were wonderful and I was delighted to hear that she has even been making bread and fruit preserves from scratch---the wonders of having time to breathe instead of checking authorizations on Providerlink. Go figure.

I was excited to see the other members of Sara's family again. Hannah is now 8-years-old and impressed me with her grasp of the Irish language and culture. Katie, who was almost one when I last saw her, is now a little person with beautiful blue eyes and a captivating personality. Ken is enjoying his work in Ireland, but admits that he is going to miss watching Tarheel basketball this fall. Sara's mother, Dot, was also in Ireland for a 3-week visit during my stay and it was such a pleasure to get to know her. She worked for the NC Botanical Gardens in Chapel Hill for many years and shared a wealth of knowledge regarding Irish trees and flowers on our tours around the Irish countryside.

When I arrived in Ireland, I thought I might see a Leprechaun, but have not found one yet...I'll keep looking.

Your love makes me sing

"Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, your love makes me sing
You save me, forgave me, you received me. Your love makes me sing"

I smile because I am just amazed by God's love. Here I am standing among women from all corners of the earth in a small conference room in the mountains of France. Just a little over a week ago, I was standing among friends at Salem Chapel. Women from different places, yet we share a common bond-a passion for Christ that transpires culture, distance and language. As I look around the room and remember my friends from home, I feel so grateful that I can experience God's grace in such a tangible way.



Last Friday, I headed up to the mountain top for a 24-hour retreat with the women from CrossRoads Church. I knew none of the women, but by the end of my time there, I felt like I had known them for years. Acceptance without judgment or strings attached is truly a gift that is sometimes difficult to receive. It did not matter that I had just arrived in France or that I would be leaving in a few weeks, I was openly welcomed to be part of the group's present journey.

Our speaker for the retreat was Barbara Mott Willoughby and the basic theme of the weekend was "Overcoming Adversity." Even though I have spent hundreds of hours listening to women's stories, I continue to be saddened by the common themes of hurt, disappointment and disillusionment that women face during their lives. Broken marriages, family turmoil, physical and mental difficulties, single parenting, feelings of hopelessness and lack of direction...no woman, regardless of culture, social or economic status or educational level is immune. But this weekend, I felt hopeful. Stories of victory were shared... stories of how these women survived, how they prevailed, and how God's tender love was intertwined throughout their times of struggle.


One of the most unexpected blessings of the retreat was on Saturday when we were asked to write down practical advice on how to deal with a certain area of struggle (relationships at home, relationships in the workplace, direction in life, struggles with physical/mental problems)and share the advice with the group.


At the present time, the area where I am seeking discernment is concerning my life direction. One of the women posted this scripture on the board:

"This is what the Lord says,
Stand at the crossroads and look;
ask for the ancient paths, ask where
the good way is and walk in it, and
you will find rest for your souls" -Jeremiah 6:16

Stand at the crossroads and ask. I believe this was confirmation for me to continue on this journey of seeking...you will find rest for your souls...Rest for your souls. I have a hard time resting and a more difficult time releasing the reins of my life to God. I have a hard time with this because I feel like I need to know what is going to happen next. I have to figure out the next step so I won't be caught off guard. I think that being in control makes me feel safe, but does it really?

I came to Europe to seek, but I also came because I needed to rest. Not just sleep, but to take a rest from from striving, from trying to achieve the next rung on the ladder. I believe this scripture was a reminder from God to let go. As my parents always say to me, "Let Go, Let God. Just trust." Ok. I don't have to have all of the answers now. They will all come in time.













We were offered many opportunities to minister to each other during our time together. I am thankful for those who ministered to me even though they probably did not realize that they did: Mary from Uganda gave me nuggets of wisdom beyond her 24 years, Patricia from the UK used her British humor to make me laugh until my stomach hurt, Donna from the USA inspired me to remember the motivation for servanthood, Eve reminded me of the depths of the Spirit, and Paula from St. Lucia challenged me to keep prevailing as a navigate this season of my life. I may never see these women again after I leave this place, but they impacted me in a way I did not expect. I hope they can say the same about me.