I have not written in a few days because I have been busy trying to absorb every single moment I can from this time away. At the beginning of my journey, I felt like time was on my side. Four weeks seemed like an eternity, but as I rounded the corner into the last week, I realized there were still so many things to see, people I needed to meet and several types of French pastry I had not yet tried!
I want to spend some time sharing more about the people God brought into my life during the last month to give me nuggets of information, share valuable insight and to shake up my expectations about the world of humanitarian aid work. But, since I must be on a plane headed towards the States in less than 7 hours, I am going to wait to tell this piece of the story. However, it is the most important part of my journey--the part that brought me to Geneva and the part that God has used to give me a few answers to the lingering questions that have been simmering for months. So, this chapter will be shared, but not until I have time to figure out the words needed to describe these experiences.
I did not really have a plan for this journey. Most days, I would just wait to see what God would bring in terms of meetings, opportunities and/or times of rest. However, it is truly amazing what comes my way when I allow God to work instead of trying to force the events of my life from such a limited perspective. I found out about the Young Adult Group (YAGs) at the Evangelical Baptist Church of Geneva over my first meal of Swiss fondue with Al Goff (from GAIN). Al mentioned the group casually and thought it may be a group I would want to check out during my stay. I attended one of the group's weekly meetings and then somehow found myself at the YAG retreat this weekend.
One of the things that has totally blown me away about the Christian communities here in Geneva is how welcoming and accepting people have been. My time here was short, yet I was encouraged to engage as much as possible and as a result, spent time with incredible people from all over the world. The theme of the retreat weekend was "Prayer: The Christian's Vital Breath" and the teachings challenged me to spend some time reflecting on my own prayer life. I have always believed in the power of prayer, but honestly, I sometimes struggle with being consistent with my times of prayer. However, I was reminded this weekend how necessary prayer is in order to deepen my relationship with God. I believe God desires for us to have conversation with Him and even though I have never audibly heard Him speak to me, I definitely feel like I hear His voice through my spirit. But, the catch is that I have to spend time with Him in order to hear...
Speaking of which, a friend and I were having a conversation about God a few weeks ago and debating whether it was more effective to pray silently or aloud. When I am alone, I tend to pray out loud because it just seems more natural for me to actually talk when I want to have a conversation with God. I will admit though, I am still getting comfortable praying in groups, especially large groups. But through many different prayer experiences, I have witnessed how powerful praying aloud with others can be. So, during this particular discussion, I was definitely advocating that praying aloud was the better choice. This weekend, however, I was reminded of the power of praying silently and allowing room for God to speak. It is amazing what I can sense when I just listen.....
Yesterday, we were given free time during the afternoon, so I decided to join a group planning to hike up Le Mole (a fairly large mountain about 20 minutes from the retreat site). I love hiking and look forward to a new mountain challenge, however, I was not quite ready for a 3-hour hike with 12-14% grades. This reality became evident when I thought was going to pass out, took a break to get myself together and one of the guys in the group said to me, "You're not in very good shape, are you?" Hmmmm....well, considering that I gave up my 5K training a good month before I left for Europe and that the most exercise I have gotten during my time here has been lifting chocolate pastries to my mouth, uh, yeah, I guess that would be a fair assessment. Let me just be honest. It's not a good idea to try to climb up a mountain that is considered to be part of the "pre-Alps" after taking a 2-month break from exercise!
However, with all joking aside, I was proud that I made it to the top without giving up. When I reached the summit, I was blessed with a sense of accomplishment, as well as a wonderful surprise. The summit of Le Mole offers panoramic views of the Alps, including a front row and center view of Mont Blanc, the highest peak in Western Europe. The views were indescribable (hopefully the pictures will give you somewhat of an idea) and I just felt blessed. At times, I find my trust in God's ability to deliver wavering and then He smacks me in the face with the reminder (like seeing the beauty Mont Blanc) that He is in control of ALL things.
Last night, the group spent time in smaller groups praying for individual, family/friend, job and other needs. I was honored to be part of a group of women from various places around the world (South Africa, Wales, Washington DC) that was able to come together and lift up prayer requests to God. For me, it is such a powerful feeling to pray with people I have just met and to allow God to connect us through the experience. After praying, I felt pretty darn good, like I was in synch with God, like I was ready to move full steam ahead with some new ideas that have developed during my time here.
After our time of prayer was completed, I started going down the stairs to join the larger group. As I was trotting along, I suddenly lost my footing, slipped and fell down several steps. Ouch. I fell on my elbow and back and gosh, it hurt. As I thought about the experience today, it became a reminder that I need to slow down and BREATHE. I do not need to race ahead with new ideas until I feel that God is telling me to proceed. I have done that in the past--tried to speed race myself through life. And, just like my fall, I got pretty bruised up, not only physically, but emotionally. Maybe falling down steps has nothing to do with God....or maybe it really does.
All I know is that God made me realize this weekend that He is all around me. Whether I am having a great dinner with a group of people I just recently met, looking at the beauty of creation, or praying silently, God is always there. This weekend, I spent some time meditating on the following verses (1-10) from Psalm 139:
“O, Lord, you have searched me and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar
You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all of my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue, you know it completely, O Lord.
You hem me in-behind and before; you have laid your hand on me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.
Where can I go from you Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there, if I make my bed in the depths,
you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.”
I sometimes feel afraid in this world. Afraid of what is happening globally. Afraid of getting sick or having a family member get sick. Afraid of being rejected by people I really care about. Afraid of missing my calling. However, despite the fear, there is hope. These verses remind me of God’s tender love for us and that we will never be alone. As this journey comes to a close, I think I am in a good place…. Trusting God that is. Trusting that the pieces of the puzzle will come together when the time is right. I am trusting...and being grateful.
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